The Ominous Blue Box
by Giver of Roses
Summary: Trouble surrounds Barti. and Nat because of Nat's disturbing obsession with a box. A blue box. Of Paperclips. Much gloating over Voldemort's looming demise and many references to Cheetos. Flames welcomed with open arms...NICE reviews get cookies!
1. Chapter 1

If you like cheetos, the longest covered bridge in the world, blue boxes and Harry Potter DVDs this is the story for you! warning Story is random. . .ONESHOT!

I will warn you once...** This story is random.** _I _am random!

And if you **read** it please** review** it flames accepted (sigh). And pointless comments also.

Nathaniel sat down in the center of a pentacle that had been painted an odd moss color and pulled out a small blue box. He then proceeded to glare at the Egyptian boy in a pentacle opposite him.

"Well? What are you looking at?" Bartimaeus said.

Nathaniel just glared, then slowly began to open the blue box. Curious, Bartimaeus leaned forward ( Careful to not leave the pentacle of course. He wasn't _that _curious.) and saw . . .

" _Paper clips ? _What are you doing with a box of paper clips? Are you feeling okay? "

Nathaniel ignored him, and began to stroke the box of paperclips lovingly. If Bartimaeus didn't know better he could have sworn Nathaniel was _talking_ to it. To Bartimaeus' increasing ( and apparent) annoyance, Nathaniel continued talking and rubbing the box for a good hour. After ten minutes of watching Nathaniel, Bartimaeus became bored and started chucking Cheetos at Nathaniel (and his box).

To clear matters up, when Bartimaeus had been summoned he had immediately assumed the form of a Gargoyle and had just begun to roar when he stepped on a large bag of Cheetos inside of his pentacle. The crunching sound sort of ruined the effect, so Bartimaeus settled into Ptolemy's form and began to shriek at random intervals.)

" HISSSSSSSSSS ! MINE ! STAY AWAY! HISSSSSSSS!" Nathaniel shrieked, cradling the box against his chest.

Bartimaeus blinked. " Did you just _hiss _at me?" Bartimaeus blinked again.

Unfortunately, Bartimaeus was so shocked at Nathaniel's reaction he didn't notice a tall bald man enter the room. Oddly enough Nathaniel noticed and immediately shoved the box down his shirt.

" STAY AWAY!STAY AWAY!STAY AWAY!STAY AWAY!STAY AWAY!" Nathaniel shouted.

" What happened to you? You look like you've been possessed by a snake!" Bartimaeus asked, "Oh. I get it! You must be a relative of Natty-boy here! " _Well that explains a lot... _

The man shuddered and pulled a stack of DVDs from his backpack.(There were pictures of smashed boxes all over the knapsack. . . Of course, Nathaniel took the knapsack as some sort of sign that the bald man wished his box of paperclips harm, and had barricaded himself behind a wall of cheetos.) Finding the DVD he wanted, the man ran to the djinni ( dead serious, he ran. . . ) and chucked the DVD at him and began to pace.

" Why did you chuck a Harry Potter DVD at me?" Bartimaeus asked.

The bald man stopped pacing, " Isn't it obvious?"

". . . . . . . . . . ." Bartimaeus adjusted his toga. (Why? You ask? I'll tell you! He had spotted a pizzeria outside the window and was impersonating Caesar.)

"_No... Should it be?_" Bartimaeus asked while ducking a Cheeto missile coming from behind a wall of Cheetos.

" Yes!" The man through another HP DVD at Bartimaeus. " Look! Look!"

Bartimaeus looked from the DVDs to the bald man, "Ohhhh. . . I get it! You are a Portable Advice Man!"

" _Portable_. . . _Advice_. . . _Man_?" The man lapsed into a stunned silence.

"What on Earth gave you that idea_?"_

The djinni blinked, "You look slimy, you eyes are glowing and slitted, you are wearing a dress-"

" IT'S A ROBE!"

Bartimaeus blew a loud raspberry."Do I look like I care?"

"AAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?"

". . . If I knew who you were. . . why would I ask ?"

"Muwahahahaha!" The man grabbed his black cape and swirled it around trying (And failing) to appear menacing. " I

am Lord-", the bald man fell flat on his face, his cloak tearing in two. Nathaniel was writhing on the floor in laughter.

You see, Nathaniel had gotten bored ( He'd already forgot about the knapsack) and started looking around for a way to entertain himself. Long story ( Involving rabid dust bunnies and a tribe of cannabis owls) made short, Nathaniel decided to make a replica of the longest covered bridge in the world made of cannibal right in front of the scary bald man. ( Bartimaeus had noticed but had decided not to say anything).

" What were you saying again?"

The man was fuming, "AAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?"

Bartimaeus heaved a sigh, " Haven't we been here already?"

"Humph. . .Stupid creature. . .How dare he. . .He has no idea. . .I have my own fan club at my command. . .He will perish. . .aha ha ha ha!. . . "

"You do know that I can hear you, right?"

The bald man picked up the remains of his cloak and laughed pitifully.

"That was sad the first time. . ."

"Muwahahahaha! I am Lord Voldemort! Fear me! Muwahahaha!"

"Who?"

" WHAT DO YOU MEAN,'WHO?'? I HAVE MY OWN MOVIES, BOOKS, AND FAN CLUB!"

" . . ." Bartimaeus picked up the DVDs and looked at them for a while. " These movies are about you?"

"YES! ME! ITS ALL ABOUT ME!"

" _Right. . . _These are _HARRY POTTER _movies. . . And as far as I can tell they are all about eventually killing you. .

.Oh, and the MOVIES are based on the BOOKS, which are also about eventually killing you because you are trying to take over the world, remember? Do you UNDERSTAND me?". The djinni spoke very slowly using dramatic hand movements. Nathaniel was still on the floor laughing and rubbing his blue box of paperclips.

**Like I said earlier this story is random and should only be read by random people, pirates, random people who wish they were friends with pirates, etc.**

**PLEASE REVIEW !**


	2. Chapter 2

**How Nathaniel discovered the ominous blue box. For reasons I have yet to uncover, Bartimaeus has no recollection of this 'paperclip' incident and denies having anything to do with Nathaniel's 'odd' obsession. . .**

* * *

" You _sure_ about this?"

"Uh. . . Y-yeah."

"_Are you certain that this is the right box?" _

"Just g-get it before I ch-change m-m-my mind. . ." 

" Fine. I will."

"_**Wait! **__**Stop**_! Not the _**green**_ one!"

"Do you want me to get the box or not?"

". . . . . . . . . . . "

" Hmm?"

" I. . .guess. . ."

"Wait! You sure that this the right box ?"

"You're joking.You pointed it out remember?"

"Oh. Yeah."

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!! Something hit me!"

"Paperclips? Hey! Where'd you go? Come back! Don't leave me. . . With the paperclips. . . Oooh. . . Such pretty paperclips! SHINY! This box will be mine and I shall love it!"


End file.
